I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
