what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
