I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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