no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize