HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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