i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
