The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
