We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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