dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
