There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
