tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize