Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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