Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
