Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
