He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
