at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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