And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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