I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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