So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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