So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize