see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Bring me that man meat
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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