i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i dont even know how to be here
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
