i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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