Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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