Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
