Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say