Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dignity is for republicans.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.