Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.