ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.