I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo