I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
