A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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