all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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