I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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