I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
