Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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