You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
