as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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