I think im going to throw up on grandma
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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