It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
