You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
