she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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