This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
