I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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