Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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