I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
