So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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