The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Operation Purity has been aborted
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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