Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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