I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
