No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We named our party play list daddy issues
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
