Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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