i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
