New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
