So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
