I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
