oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
