Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
