she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He passed out mid-signature
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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